i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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