Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
