I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize