I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
