would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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