your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
