That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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