I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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