Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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