I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize