I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
