So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
