My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
