Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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