the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
