i jhust puked up my retainher.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
