Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
