She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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