My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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