Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
