I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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