Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
