Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
