Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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