That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
