like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
