Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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