Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
