I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
