the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
