when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
