It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize