you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
