she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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