Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
