the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
