I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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