The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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