I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize