If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
