Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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