I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You made out with two different species that night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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