well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
