these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
