They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
