somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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