i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
