first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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