just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
