How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
