At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Randomize
