Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
