After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize