Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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