Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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