i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
