Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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