1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
