come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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