Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
