We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
