My hand turned me down
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
