I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
