Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
