I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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