I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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