i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
