those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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