just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He felt like a one man threesome
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
